If I could just say a few words . . .

.
Who hasn't run into the problem of standing up in a crowded room, intent upon delivering some rousing toast, only to realize how very bad you are at it. Here are a few helpful guides to ensure that your next impromptu oratory won't be met with an awkward silence.

Here's to You: Creating Your Own Meaningful Toast or Tribute for any Occasion / by Florence Isaacs
Longtime journalist and contributor to several noted womens magazines, Florence Isaacs has authored several books on the appropriate ways to give toasts, eulogies and introductions. Her latest book tells any would-be send-up novice exactly what should be said at birthdays, anniversaries, weddings or funerals. Whether your a son, daughter, mother, brother, co-worker or generic sympathizer, Isaacs' etiquette-first book gives the essentials of what, when and how to say to/about that special someone.

Can You Say a Few Words: How to Prepare and Deliver a Speech for any Special Occasion / by Joan Detz
Noted speechwriter within political circles and author of the well-known It's Not What You Say, It's How You Say It, Detz is very straightforward with her advice on public speaking. Among her leading points, she stresses the ability to appraise the mood ("climate") in order to deliver the necessary rhetoric (i.e.,"Nobody ever sold anything by boring his audience to death", p151). This book is split into very concise sections, each geared towards tailored events and could be a quick-reference guide for someone in a hurry.

Start With a Laugh: An Insider's Guide to Roasts, Toasts, Eulogies and Other Speeches / by Liz Carpenter
"Welcome to Texas! Whether you arrive in Texas by birth, horseback, wagon train, jetliner, auto, or UFO, Texas is the kind of state that lets you belong to it..." (opening line of speech to Women's Newcomers Club of Austin, 1994). Liz Carpenter is well-known by Texans as the presidential secretary during LBJ's tenure in office and this book lets the reader in on why she was such an invaluable addition to the White House staff. Perhaps a more an example-minded reference with dozens of self-patented speeches by Carpenter, this book tells you what you need to know about, well, 'telling the audience what they need to know'.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Podium: The Speaker's Complete Guide to Great Jokes, Anecdotes and Stories / by Herbert V. Prochnow
Public speaking guru and author of The Public Speaker's Treasure Chest, Prochnow is the defacto person to go to when you can't think of an icebreaker. His new book is essentially a cataloged list of funny anecdotal one-liners and lead-ins intended for those desperate procrastinator's in need of some filler material. Seriously though, this is exactly what you need if you're about to toast someone (anyone) and are a total moron when it comes to public speaking.